Friendship

Friendship means so many things to so many different people. Some people see their friends as someone to hang out with during their spare time, others actually see friends for what they can do for them or give them - maybe they can get them into the right social circles, into the "in" clubs. Some of us, like me, see friendship as something to be treasured, cherished, nurtured and valued.

As far back as I can remember, I was never one to have a ton of friends or find it particularly important for those friends to be part of the "in" crowd. Having moved around so much when I was young would make a person think I'd be good at making friends. Not so. Never being in a place long enough to establish great friendships made it all the more difficult to start new ones and to let people in.

So here I am, almost middle aged - I should have a rolodex full of friends but I don't, and I don't mind either. I know that the friends I have, value and cherish my friendship as much as I value and cherish theirs. We've been through thick and thin together, the good, the bad and the ugly. We have laughed together and cried together. Most importantly, we understand the value that each one of us has in the other's life. We respect each other's space and sense when that space is in fact a cry for help. We understand that friendship is a living, breathing thing and cannot be taken for granted.

Yet I'm sad to say that this has not always been the case. I have been disappointed more than once. Maybe I'm too naive. For years I believed that men and women could be friends. I have come to the realization that this is almost impossible. I say "almost" because I'm sure there are the exceptions...but that is what they are...exceptions. I think that when a man and a woman say they are friends, it means that only one of the two consider themselves a true friend. The other is only there hoping things will change or settling for whatever they can get. Everything is done hoping to change the feelings of the other person. It has happened to me more times than I would care to remember. The problem with this kind of friendship is that in the end, both of you loose. The person that hopes to win the other's affection looses because they will never get what they hope for, and the other looses when one day their friend is gone and they don't have the faintest idea why.

It really is true what they say - you can count (or should be able to count) your real friends in one hand.